Thoughts on Being/Caring for an Introvert

Image source: questionablylate.tumblr.com

I know there are like 500 billion articles about introversion and the care and keeping of your introvert out there, but I've always really loved and connected with them. I'm obviously a huge introvert myself, so lists like the one above make me feel understood.

So today, I want to share my own thoughts on introversion and how I personally prefer to be treated as a result of mine. Whether you're an introvert yourself or know and love someone who is, maybe the following thoughts will help you understand yourself and/or someone else a little better. 

1. I need uninterrupted solitude on a daily basis. 

Solitude is my best friend. I'm alone for a substantial amount of time almost every single day, and it is wonderful. Some people don't understand how or why I do it. "How do you DO it? How do you stay home alone every day? Don't you get lonely? Don't you get bored?!" Nope. I love it, I need it, and I couldn't imagine it any other way. I also work from home, which is fantastic.    

2. I hate a majority of social gatherings.

I've been to enjoyable and fulfilling social gatherings before, but I generally try to avoid them. Especially if I don't know too many of the people who are going to be there. Whenever I get invited to a gathering (which is rare), I like to know what to expect from it. Who will be there? What will we be doing? When will I get to go back home? That sort of thing.. 

3. I'm a deep thinker.

I think more than I talk or do, which can be a good thing and a bad thing. It can be a bad thing because sometimes I fail to take action and overthink things, but it's a good thing because I'm very perceptive and introspective. I notice things. I pay attention to things. I make an effort to understand things. I spend a lot of time in my head. If I have a stupid or complex look on my face, I'm not mentally challenged or plotting your death in my head. I'm just thinking about stuff.  

4. If I don't have anything to say to you, it's probably because you're not really all that interesting to me. Or because I haven't warmed up to you yet.

In addition to being introverted, I'm also pretty timid. So it takes me awhile to warm up to people unless you're one of those rare, wonderful people who are super easy to warm up to almost immediately. (I've met a few in my lifetime.) But if I have had an adequate amount of time to warm up to you and I still don't have much to say when you're around, I probably just don't relate to you or connect with you. It's nothing personal. We just don't click...And I "click" with very few people.    

5. If you interrupt me, I will not finish what I was saying...At least not willingly. 

I hate being interrupted, especially when I feel like I've actually got something really useful or witty to say. Being interrupted totally kills my mood/spirit/self-esteem, so don't bother expecting me to finish what I was saying if you cut me off. Even if you say, "Sorry, what were you saying?" I will either forget what I was going to say because I have the attention span of a goldfish, or I will finish what I was saying reluctantly and with a grumpy attitude. 

6. I want to know about things in advance, i.e. unexpected visits, changes in my day, changes in my life, etc. 

I don't like surprises. I like to know about and be able to prepare for things in advance. If someone is stopping by, I want to have time to brush my hair and mentally prepare myself for their arrival/presence. If a kink is being thrown in my usual routine, I want to have time to efficiently plan my way around it. And so on and so forth... 

7. I don't like being the center of attention.

I really don't like being the center of attention, whether it's during a family dinner or a major event of some sort. When I graduated from high school, I almost literally ran across the stage like a gazelle to receive my diploma because I was so uncomfortable with everybody looking at me. And if I ever get married, I will probably be the most awkward bride on the face of the planet. Attention makes me want to barf.

8. I hate small talk.

"What have you been up to?" Nothing much. "What do you do?" I do lots of things. "So, tell me about yourself." I'm not interesting. "Do you have any hobbies?" Oh my goodness...Please go away.  

9. I generally try to avoid talking on the phone. 

There are only about 3-4 people that I feel comfortable talking to on the phone...And I rarely even talk to them on the phone. I definitely prefer email and texting because it gives me time and space to properly gather my thoughts before I put them out in the open. It's so bad that I even avoid job ads that require phone interviews unless I really, really want the job. Nine times out of ten, talking to me on the phone is like talking to a brick wall...a brick wall that says "like" and "um" a lot. It will be a profound waste of your time. Trust me.

10. I'm not anti-social...I'm selectively social. 

Yes, I stole that from some e-card I saw on Pinterest. Perhaps you've seen it. I can't tell you how many times people have said things like, "You NEVER talk." No, darling. I just don't talk to YOU. And probably with good reason. *burn* But seriously though...I can count the people I truly connect with on one hand. If I don't connect with you, we won't have very much to talk about. It's just the way I'm wired. 

Cheers to being an introvert! 

<3 Madison     

  

Embracing Humanity and Releasing Perfection in Relationships

Image source: flickr.com

One of my biggest pet peeves is the frequently pushed notion that we have to achieve a certain level of perfection in dating and relationships in order to be liked, accepted and loved. 

Have you ever watched a movie, read an article, or otherwise heard a nugget of relationship "wisdom" from someone else that made you question your own relationship or dating life? Because here's the thing---if you're happy and your relationship or dating life is chugging along exceptionally well, there's no need to question it because of what someone else says. No relationship is perfect, and we certainly don't have to paint a picture of perfect in our own lives to attract people who will love us. 

I prefer advice that is real, relevant and encouraging---advice that acknowledges the humanity and vulnerability that lies within us all...Not advice that tells you how to wear your hair on a first date or that being super successful and confident is the only way to attract true love.  

Real love consists of two flawed, imperfect people loving each other despite their flaws and imperfections. So today, I am handing the torch over to five writers who have inspired and re-inspired that truth.

Take a look at the following articles if you want some real relationship advice:

Question of the Day: Is Anyone Ever Happy in a Long-Term Relationship?

Written by Keltie Knight

Long-term relationships can be hard, confusing, and just plain scary. This blog post acknowledges those feelings from a place of uncertainty and vulnerability. The images and quotes contained within the attached gallery further solidify the chaotic nature of love and can help anyone going through a confusing, scary or painful phase in their relationship feel less alone. And just to throw in a handful of optimism, Keltie's relationship worked out after all...She recently got married. :-)  

How to Maintain a Healthy Relationship When You're Depressed

Written by Lisa Esile

I have read and shared this article so many times. I don't think I've ever seen anything quite like it on the Internet before. There are so many articles out there about the importance of loving yourself, being confident, being happy, etc. "A happy wife equals a happy life," they say. But no one ever seems to talk about the human tendency to just really hate yourself and be depressed sometimes.

It's all about perception, understanding, and how we treat ourselves and others when depression or self-hatred decides to stop by for a visit. If you ever feel like there is something tragically wrong with you or that your happy, healthy relationship is doomed when you have an off day, the above article is a must-read. Like the quote at the top of the article says, "Love isn't a state of perfect caring. It is an active noun, like struggle. To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way he or she is, right here and now."   

5 Damaging Myths We Believe About Relationships

Written by Sheryl Paul

I want to high-five the author of this incredibly refreshing article. She debunks several of the most commonly tossed around beliefs that lead people to end relationships with perfectly good partners. If conventional relationship wisdom is grating on your nerves or causing you to question your own relationship when you have no logical reason to, the above article is definitely for you.       

Self-Esteem and Insecurities

Written by Bethany Grow

In this honest and relevant blog post, the author discusses the difficulty of accepting unconditional love from your partner when you feel like you don't deserve it. It's a very common feeling, yet so few people openly talk or write about it.

When you're in a relationship with a wonderful person who is everything you want and more, it's easy to fall into a mindset of not feeling good enough for them and wanting to be the "person of their dreams." But what we sometimes fail to realize is that "the perfect man" or "the perfect woman" is a fantasy. There's no such thing as perfect. And the author goes from talking about her insecurities in this area to talking about acceptance of herself, flaws and all.

I think the ultimate message of the post is to love yourself the way your loved ones love you and to actually believe them when they tell you how great you are.       

SHOCKINGLY STUPID ADVICE: How Cosmopolitan Magazine is Misleading a Generation of Young Women

Written by Therese Schwenkler

This post is one of the greatest things on the entire Internet. It's so refreshing to know that I'm not the only human on the face of the planet who thinks most mainstream dating and relationship advice is terrible. Attracting dudes is NOT the sole purpose of a woman's existence. And it's not like half the advice for young women out there will lead to true love anyway. But enough from me. Read the above article, and see the epicness for yourself.

Do you have any other great relationship articles to share?

<3 Madison