The Truth About Being Loved When You Don't Love Yourself

Image source: flickr.com

"No one is going to love you until you love yourself."

How many times have you seen or heard this phrase or similar phrases? Well for starters, if you Google that sentence, you'll get about 377,000,000 results.  

For a long time, I really adopted this adage as a strongly personal belief. I concluded that I was entirely unlovable until I could learn to feel super good about myself and completely rid myself of all self-doubt, flaws and insecurities (which is impossible if you are a human).   

While there is a profound lesson to be learned in the above phrase, there is also a rather damaging misconception about it.   

So allow me to break it apart and fill it with five truths that I find so much more valid and empowering. I hope they help you see love and yourself in a new light.        

Truth #1: Everyone hates themselves sometimes.

Loving yourself unconditionally is one of the hardest things in the world. If you meet anyone who says loving themselves is easy and effortless at all times, they're lying. While I agree that actively learning to love and be kind to yourself leads to stronger, more loving relationships, I disagree that no one is going to love you if you occasionally have a difficult time loving yourself. We're all hard on ourselves, and we all need to be reminded of our worth whenever that happens.  

Truth #2: Your partner cannot fix you, save you, or complete you.

No one can fill your inner void except you, which is similar to saying, "No one is going to love you until you love yourself." That is the only profound lesson I can find in that statement. Your partner cannot solve all of your problems or fight your battles for you. He or she can only stand beside you as you do those things on your own. That's an important thing to remember. You can always lean on people, but they can't always hold you up.      

Truth #3: Struggling with self-love does not make you unlovable.

I'm going to say that again. Struggling with self-love does not make you unlovable. And that is essentially what is being suggested in the notion that no one will love you until you love yourself. You are an infinitely valuable human being, and you're going to struggle with self-love time and time again. People will still love you when you don't love yourself. In fact, the best people will love you even more during such times---which leads me to the next truth…  

Truth #4: You need love the most when you feel you deserve it the least.

Sometimes I go through bouts of self-hatred where I genuinely feel like I don't deserve love and silently question anyone who gives it to me. It's harder to accept something when you deeply believe that you don't deserve it. But you truly need love the most when you feel this way, and the best people in your life will shower you with it. Once you start treating yourself and others with more compassion, for better or worse, your whole world and your whole heart will open up.   

Truth #5: The right people will love you no matter what.

The right people will love you when you make a mistake. The right people will love you when you feel worthless. The right people will love you when you swear at them or hurt their feelings. The right people will love you when you act like a brat or fly into a mini rage because you have a slow Internet connection. The right people will love you when they see your glaring flaws or watch you take nine steps in the wrong direction.

True love is unconditional. Do not place the expectation of unconditional love on every person you meet or date because not everyone will live up to that expectation. But if you stay open and actively practice self-love, the right people will come into your life. And if you have a day or two where you hate yourself a little, it will be okay with them---because sometimes they will hate themselves a little too.

When someone falls in love with you, they will fall in love with all of you. They will love you at your best and at your worst. And they will love you even when you have a hard time loving yourself.

<3 Madison 

Coming Clean (A Short Memoir): My Journey Through OCD and Post-High School Depression

Hello everyone!

The promotional campaign for my first eBook launched a couple of days ago, and I wanted to direct you to the post I wrote about it on Journey of a Soul Searcher (since I do not find it necessary to repeat myself here).

Please click here to learn more about the eBook and where/how you can purchase it.

And click HERE to read a couple of excerpts.

Thank you endlessly!

<3 Madison

Thoughts on Being/Caring for an Introvert

Image source: questionablylate.tumblr.com

I know there are like 500 billion articles about introversion and the care and keeping of your introvert out there, but I've always really loved and connected with them. I'm obviously a huge introvert myself, so lists like the one above make me feel understood.

So today, I want to share my own thoughts on introversion and how I personally prefer to be treated as a result of mine. Whether you're an introvert yourself or know and love someone who is, maybe the following thoughts will help you understand yourself and/or someone else a little better. 

1. I need uninterrupted solitude on a daily basis. 

Solitude is my best friend. I'm alone for a substantial amount of time almost every single day, and it is wonderful. Some people don't understand how or why I do it. "How do you DO it? How do you stay home alone every day? Don't you get lonely? Don't you get bored?!" Nope. I love it, I need it, and I couldn't imagine it any other way. I also work from home, which is fantastic.    

2. I hate a majority of social gatherings.

I've been to enjoyable and fulfilling social gatherings before, but I generally try to avoid them. Especially if I don't know too many of the people who are going to be there. Whenever I get invited to a gathering (which is rare), I like to know what to expect from it. Who will be there? What will we be doing? When will I get to go back home? That sort of thing.. 

3. I'm a deep thinker.

I think more than I talk or do, which can be a good thing and a bad thing. It can be a bad thing because sometimes I fail to take action and overthink things, but it's a good thing because I'm very perceptive and introspective. I notice things. I pay attention to things. I make an effort to understand things. I spend a lot of time in my head. If I have a stupid or complex look on my face, I'm not mentally challenged or plotting your death in my head. I'm just thinking about stuff.  

4. If I don't have anything to say to you, it's probably because you're not really all that interesting to me. Or because I haven't warmed up to you yet.

In addition to being introverted, I'm also pretty timid. So it takes me awhile to warm up to people unless you're one of those rare, wonderful people who are super easy to warm up to almost immediately. (I've met a few in my lifetime.) But if I have had an adequate amount of time to warm up to you and I still don't have much to say when you're around, I probably just don't relate to you or connect with you. It's nothing personal. We just don't click...And I "click" with very few people.    

5. If you interrupt me, I will not finish what I was saying...At least not willingly. 

I hate being interrupted, especially when I feel like I've actually got something really useful or witty to say. Being interrupted totally kills my mood/spirit/self-esteem, so don't bother expecting me to finish what I was saying if you cut me off. Even if you say, "Sorry, what were you saying?" I will either forget what I was going to say because I have the attention span of a goldfish, or I will finish what I was saying reluctantly and with a grumpy attitude. 

6. I want to know about things in advance, i.e. unexpected visits, changes in my day, changes in my life, etc. 

I don't like surprises. I like to know about and be able to prepare for things in advance. If someone is stopping by, I want to have time to brush my hair and mentally prepare myself for their arrival/presence. If a kink is being thrown in my usual routine, I want to have time to efficiently plan my way around it. And so on and so forth... 

7. I don't like being the center of attention.

I really don't like being the center of attention, whether it's during a family dinner or a major event of some sort. When I graduated from high school, I almost literally ran across the stage like a gazelle to receive my diploma because I was so uncomfortable with everybody looking at me. And if I ever get married, I will probably be the most awkward bride on the face of the planet. Attention makes me want to barf.

8. I hate small talk.

"What have you been up to?" Nothing much. "What do you do?" I do lots of things. "So, tell me about yourself." I'm not interesting. "Do you have any hobbies?" Oh my goodness...Please go away.  

9. I generally try to avoid talking on the phone. 

There are only about 3-4 people that I feel comfortable talking to on the phone...And I rarely even talk to them on the phone. I definitely prefer email and texting because it gives me time and space to properly gather my thoughts before I put them out in the open. It's so bad that I even avoid job ads that require phone interviews unless I really, really want the job. Nine times out of ten, talking to me on the phone is like talking to a brick wall...a brick wall that says "like" and "um" a lot. It will be a profound waste of your time. Trust me.

10. I'm not anti-social...I'm selectively social. 

Yes, I stole that from some e-card I saw on Pinterest. Perhaps you've seen it. I can't tell you how many times people have said things like, "You NEVER talk." No, darling. I just don't talk to YOU. And probably with good reason. *burn* But seriously though...I can count the people I truly connect with on one hand. If I don't connect with you, we won't have very much to talk about. It's just the way I'm wired. 

Cheers to being an introvert! 

<3 Madison     

  

A Chat About Self-Love with Lori Deschene

I am a huge fan of Lori and Tiny Buddha, as most of you may know. So I was beyond excited when I got an email asking if it would be okay if she featured one of my Tiny Buddha posts in her upcoming book, Tiny Buddha's Guide to Loving Yourself. It was a no-brainer.  

The excitement continued when she asked if I would be interested in posting a Q&A with her on this little blog of mine. It was another no-brainer. I've always wanted to interview Lori, but never had a relevant theme or topic in mind. Now I have one! 

So I sent Lori some questions about self-love, and she got back to me with these wonderfully insightful responses. I hope they inspire you as much as they inspired me.

1. What initially inspired you to write Tiny Buddha's Guide to Loving Yourself? 

It's something I've planned to do for awhile---start a series of "Tiny Buddha's Guide to" books, drawing from the many inspiring stories on the site.

Self-love seemed like the perfect topic to start with, since this is the core of all personal growth and the foundation for loving others and loving life.

It's also the foundation of my greatest struggles.

For a long time, I thought my life was a mess because of my depression, or my former eating disorder, or my lack of purpose, or my lack of money, but at the heart of all those troubles was my unwavering self-loathing.

2. We all struggle with loving ourselves sometimes, and no one ever truly arrives at a place of complete self-acceptance. It's human nature to be hard on ourselves. How do you deal when loving yourself is hard?

Reminding myself of this truth is the first thing I do. Sometimes I get hard on myself for getting hard on myself, which is incredibly ironic when you think about it.

It's piling judgment on top of pain---emotions on top of emotions---and it's a surefire way to get stuck.

Beyond that, it varies. Sometimes I'm proud of how I deal. I get outside and out of my head and take good care of my mind and body. Other times, I shut down and guard myself until I feel better. I'm a work in progress!

3. Do you ever struggle with looking for truth in the less than flattering things people say or think about you? If so, how do you move past that?

Absolutely. For a long time, I interpreted every criticism or judgment as proof that I was a fundamentally bad person. I literally feared other people's perceptions of me because I saw each one as a mirror.

I became a chameleon, trying to be whatever I thought people would accept. And later, I adopted the "indisputably good person" persona, thinking no one could possibly judge me if I tried really hard to be a short, blond Dalai Lama.

I feel I've made tremendous progress here because I now realize that being disliked by some is a sign that I am being real---and creating the possibility of being liked by others who actually appreciate me for who I am.

To read my full interview with Lori, click here!

<3 Madison

10 Ways to Be a Nicer Person

Image source: flickr.com  

I am constantly disheartened by the meanness, rudeness and cruelty I see in the world, on the Internet, and in everyday life. Some people are just very cruel and judgmental, and I know that's never going to change. Even some of the most well-meaning people are prone to eyebrow raising meanness every now and then. It's rare to find a nice person who's nice to everyone and not just the people who are easier to be nice to. Why is everyone so hell-bent on fighting fire with fire? Why is getting along so difficult?    

No one is perfect (obviously), but I certainly don't think it would hurt if we all made a conscious effort to be a little nicer to each other. There are simple things you can do and simple things you can become more aware of to make steps towards being a better person.   

Here are 10 things I am working on and would recommend to you:

1. Promote what you love instead of bashing what you hate.

This is one of my favorite quotes, and I try my very best to live by it. If you want to bash something you hate in your mind or rant about it in your journal, go ahead. But don't do it out loud or post about it on Twitter and Facebook. Instead, talk about what you love and glorify that.  

2. Don't gossip.

I try to avoid gossip as much as possible, and I try to catch myself when I'm saying something negative about someone behind their back. If you have a problem with someone, go to them. Don't whine to other people about it. Also, don't spread rumors about people when you have no evidence to back up the rumors' truth...or even if you do have evidence. Spreading rumors is wrong no matter what.     

3. Be charitable.

You don't have to donate a fat check to your favorite charity every year to be considered charitable. A little can go a long way. I have a cousin who frequently packs lunches for homeless people in her area. If you have the power to help someone in need, do it. All help is good help.   

4. Don't judge.

We're all on our own journey, and we all have our own beliefs and ways of life. Don't judge someone if what they believe or how they live doesn't match what you believe or how you live. Respect other people's paths. You have no right to judge them if you've never been in their shoes.    

5. Give people a chance.

Don't make judgments or assumptions about people until you've truly gotten to know them. A lot of people think I'm anti-social or boring (maybe I sort of am) when they first meet me because I'm so quiet, awkward, and in my head. But the people who have gotten to know me as a human being have been pleasantly surprised. I know it seems easier to judge a book by its cover, but if you do, you could miss out on a great story. 

6. Be polite.

This is a simple one. Say please and thank you. Hold the door open. Smile back. Be friendly. Give people a hand. Don't ask intrusive or personal questions. You get the idea...

7. Be open-minded.

Open-mindedness is one of my favorite human qualities. An open mind leads to an open heart. Be open to what makes each person unique and worthy of love.

8. Give without expecting anything in return.

Expectation of reciprocation takes the joy out of giving. Giving simply because you want to and because it matters to you is the best kind of giving there is. To know that you helped someone or made someone's day should be reward enough.  

9. Treat others the way you want to be treated.

Unfortunately, this age old rule is heartbreakingly ignored and underrated. Try to live by it anyway. If you wouldn't want someone doing or saying the thing you're about to do or say to someone else, don't do or say it. That sounds easy enough, right? 

10. Smile more. 

Last but not least, try to smile at people more often. Sharing a smile is such a simple way to be kind and brighten someone's day.

<3 Madison  

28 Things You Have Permission to Do

Image source: flickr.com 

I used to (and still do sometimes) spend a lot of time feeling like I had to have approval or validation before doing something. We all like knowing that we're not alone. Whenever I want to do something out of the ordinary, it's almost like a reflex to Google if anyone else is doing it too or if it's considered okay to do it. It would make me feel better to read about people who were in the same boat as I was. It made me feel like maybe I was normal after all. 

I'm far from the average Jane, but I realize now that that's okay. I'm uniquely me, and I have every right to do whatever makes me happy, regardless of whether or not it puts me at risk for judgement. And no matter what you do, you're at risk for judgment, so you might as well not even worry about being judged in the first place. 

The following list is inspired by both my own experiences and what I commonly hear other people getting flack for. I hope it gives you some reassurance. 

Here are 28 things you have permission to do... 

1. Love and commit to your job, even if the pay is mediocre

2. Be single

3. Hate social gatherings

4. Live a small life

5. Spoil your pets

6. Put your needs before other people's 

7. Choose love or kindness as a religion

8. Say no 

9. Vent  

10. Embrace the unknown

11. Create a wedding or baby board on Pinterest, even if you're not engaged or don't plan on having a baby anytime soon

12. Take a nap in the middle of the day

13. Watch daytime television while everyone else is at work

14. Be angry

15. Be sad

16. Be happy

17. Be bored

18. Be afraid 

19. Blog about whatever you want  

20. Suck at being a grown-up and then blame the school system for teaching you how to dissect frogs instead of teaching you how to do your taxes  

21. Want dessert after every meal

22. Ask for help

23. Talk to yourself in your mind...or out loud

24. Be a total mess

25. Take a huge risk for love 

26. Laugh at inappropriate jokes

27. Daydream 

28. Not wait for permission 

<3 Madison 

Can Money Buy Happiness?

Image source: commons.wikimedia.org 

"Money can't buy happiness." It's a classic adage that I've always embraced. But these days, I both agree and disagree with that statement. 

I certainly feel happier when I have more money coming in, as I'm sure most people do. More money gives me greater freedom and peace of mind. In fact, I've been trying to light a flame under my arse and work harder because my income is very much on the skimpy side at the moment.  

While I agree that money can't actually buy happiness (especially if you're lacking in other more important areas of your life), I definitely think it can lead to feeling happier.  

Allow me to explain my perspective...

Yes, money can contribute to happiness.

I read something in a blog post one time that really stood out to me, and I remember mentioning it once before on my other blog. It said something along the lines of, "It's fine and dandy to say that money isn't everything, but I have a landlord and a phone bill that would beg to differ." 

We all need money. It's an essential necessity in life. We have bills to pay, endless expenses to tend to, groceries to buy, etc. And quite frankly, money can buy a lot of things that lead to happiness---like ice cream and books. (Don't judge me.) 

Studies have shown that people with more money are generally happier than people with less. When the bills are paid, food is on the table, and you still have enough money left over to play with and contribute to things like vacations and entertainment, you feel happier and more secure. And financial stress is one of the greatest causes of discontentment. Being stressed out and not having the means to do the things you need and want to do doesn't exactly lead to joy. So with all of that said, I definitely believe that money contributes to happiness.   

No, money cannot buy happiness. 

So we've established that money can greatly contribute to happiness, which is almost the same as buying it. Almost. While there are lots of great things money can buy, there are even greater things that it can't.

Money can't buy love, peace, inner richness, contentment with self, kindness, friendship, respect, meaning, second chances, trust, gratitude...The list goes on and on.

To me, some of the best sources of joy are intangible and priceless. So if you're lacking the above, no amount of money can truly make you happy.


Do you think the old adage, "Money can't buy happiness" is a crock, or do you believe that the best things in life are free?

Share your thoughts if you have any!

<3 Madison       

21 Things to Do If You're Unemployed

I love the above quote. Work is important, and we all have to make a living somehow, but it annoys me when people perpetually glorify and emphasize how busy they are. I think most people do it to feel validated...myself included. I'm guilty of saying things like, "I've been super busy lately." And even if I really have been busy, in the back of my mind, I'm hoping the comment somehow validated my worth as a human.

I've been somewhat unemployed for the past few weeks. I've had days of feeling embarrassed, worthless, depressed and unproductive, but the more I think about unemployment, the more I think of it as a blessing in disguise. You have every right to want to punch me in the face for that, but it's true. When we're not working, we give ourselves the opportunity to focus on other important matters aside from working---like self-care, kindness, playtime, the people we love, and therapeutic soul searching. It's easy to neglect all of those things when you're "super busy." 

So without further ado, I would like to present 21 things you can do if you're unemployed:

1. Stay in your pajamas all day. 

2. Do something good for your community. 

3. Catch up on sleep. 

4. Have a movie day---alone or with friends. 

5. Check something off your bucket list. 

6. Spend a few days (or longer) with a close relative or friend. 

7. Go for an aimless walk or drive just to see where you end up. 

8. Go around town and see how many random acts of kindness you can perform within 24 hours (or more).  

9. Bake some goodies you've been meaning to try, and display them in an "all you can eat buffet" fashion for your family or friends.   

10. Take up a new hobby. 

11. Write and mail some letters. 

12. Renovate or clean your home. 

13. Spend a day or two at the beach...or park...or wherever you want.  

14. Indulge in a guilty pleasure without feeling guilty about it at all. 

15. Plan a stay-cation. 

16. Set some new goals. 

17. Learn a new skill. 

18. Ask yourself what you really want to do and then do it. 

19. Use the extra time on your hands to assist people who don't have as much. For example, offer to clean, babysit, or run errands for someone who has been particularly busy lately. 

20. Get to know yourself---truly and deeply. 

21. Keep looking for work. 

<3 Madison 

  

My Favorite Posts from Journey of a Soul Searcher (So Far)

Hello friends.

I want to show my original blog some love today. I rarely read back over old posts because it's embarrassing, and I usually mentally insult myself like, "Was I trying to be clever or something? That is so lame!" But there are some posts I've written over the past couple of years that I'm really proud of---posts that still ring true to this day. 

So I decided to take a trip down memory lane and share them with you. Just click on the titles of the posts you want to read, and you will be promptly escorted to them.  

It's the simple things

Finding Your Happy: Shannon Kaiser interview

It's okay...

Who made you King of Anything?  

Your soul is rooting for you. Believe in your path.

The story of my spark

Have a little faith

My inner wise woman

Your heart always wins.

Just so you know...

A letter to myself 

Enjoying solitude vs. being a loner

Help wanted: In dire need of motivation

Work hard (on your passions)

A friendly reminder to say, do and feel whatever you want

Thanks for reading. :-)

<3 Madison  

10 Simple Ways to Express Love

Image source: en.m.wikipedia.org 

This may be a bit of an unpopular opinion, but I don't think love is really all that complicated. There are many different forms of it and many different definitions of it, but at the end of the day, it is what it is. 

Love is sharing your sandwich with someone who forgot theirs. Love is doing something thoughtful or helpful without being told. Love is putting your cell phone away while someone is bearing their soul to you. Love is giving people the freedom to be who they are and do what they love without giving them speeches on all the ways they're doing it wrong. Love is baking cookies or cupcakes and wrapping them up really nicely for someone simply because you wanted to. Love is thinking someone is the bee's knees even when they're a horrible grumpy mess. Love is making sacrifices. Love is giving ridiculously long hugs. 

I could keep going, but I don't want to get annoying...

When it comes to love, whether it's love for a partner, a family member, a friend or a pet, there are simple ways to express that love. 

Here are 10 ideas/reminders to show the people you love some love:

1. Be emotionally present. 

Being emotionally present means being attentive and emotionally available when you're with people. Don't ignore them or constantly get distracted with other things. Be genuinely elated to be in their company. Attentiveness is one of the best gifts you can give to a person you love.  

2. Be curious before being presumptuous. 

Making assumptions is a quick and easy way to create conflict and anger. Never assume anything about a person without solid evidence of its truth. For example, don't assume that your boyfriend is mad at you if he doesn't answer your text messages all day or that your grandmother disapproves of your job because she asks lots of questions about it. I'm still working on this one...    

3. Be supportive. 

Being supportive is one of the biggest ways to express love. Always be supportive of your loved ones' goals and dreams---even if you disagree or secretly wish they would do something else. If it makes them happy, it should make you happy too. 

4. Give without expectations.

I think it's kind of instinctual for some people to give and then hope or expect something in return. Expecting some kind of reciprocation takes the joy out of giving and may lead to resentment or frustration if that reciprocation isn't produced. Give because you want to, not because you're looking for something in return.    

5. Be thoughtful. 

Be mindful of other people's feelings, and make a point to be kind and thoughtful as often as possible. Nothing says "I love you" quite like a simple act of kindness or a well thought-out expression of love or gratitude.  

6. Don't judge. 

Passing judgment is hurtful, and it's really not your place to judge others anyway---especially the people you love. If you have a habit of judging your loved ones, start practicing acceptance instead. Your efforts won't go unnoticed. 

7. Be silly.

Don't take yourself or the people you love too seriously. Have fun, be playful, and let your adventurous and childlike side come out more often.    

8. Be open and honest.

Honesty is a huge contributing factor to happy, successful relationships. Be who you are, tell the truth, and don't be afraid to be vulnerable. You will feel more connected to people, and people will feel more connected to you. It's a win-win. 

9. Avoid petty conflict. 

Don't nag, criticize, pick fights, belittle, etc. If something is no big deal, don't pick a fight over it. If someone you love does something that makes you angry, don't pull out a laundry list of all the other things they do that make you angry. If someone you love messes up, don't criticize or berate them for it. Just be nice, and avoid creating drama and conflict over things that aren't really that big of a deal in the grand scheme of things. 

10. Practice unconditional love.

To love another person means to love all of them, regardless of their flaws, shortcomings, bad moods, illnesses, etc. Conditional love is not real love. If you only love someone at their best, you can't truly appreciate them at their worst.

<3 Madison 

Awesome Quotes to Live By

I love quotes. I think brief, yet profound bits of wisdom make the biggest impact sometimes. Not everyone will sit through an inspiring article, but taking a second to read an inspiring quote is more likely to grab their attention and make them think. For example, the above quote certainly made me think the first time I saw it. 

I think it's a great idea to find quotes that speak to you and use them as mantras or rules for meaningful living. If you're interested in finding some great quotes to live by, check out some of my favorites!    

"Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it." ~ Charles Swindoll

This quote changed my whole perspective on life. I used to believe that the essence of life was made up of what happened to me. But it's the way I react to and handle what happens to me that matters. We can't always control what life throws our way, but we can control how we choose to look at those things.

"Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success. If you love what you are doing, you will be successful." ~ Albert Schweitzer 

This has been my truth time and time again. When I'm doing something that makes me happy, I feel successful, even if there isn't fame, fortune or notoriety attached to it.

"When there is no enemy within, the enemies outside cannot hurt you." ~ African Proverb 

I could write a book on what this quote personally means to me, but I will just simply say that when you're nice to yourself, patient with yourself and happy with yourself, external sources can't truly take those things away from you. We're our own worst enemies.

"Count your joys instead of your woes. Count your friends instead of your foes." ~ Irish Proverb

I generally have a glass half full perspective on life. It's draining to complain about everything that is wrong and everyone who has treated me unfairly. I'd much rather focus on the things I love and the people who make me happy...And surround myself with people who do the same.

"If you propose to speak, always ask yourself, is it true, is it necessary, is it kind." ~ Buddha 

This is a great rule of thumb. We all need to be nicer to each other.

"Until you stop breathing, there is more right with you than wrong with you." ~ Jon Kabat-Zinn 

This is just an encouraging little truth to remind you of your incredible worth as a living, breathing human.

"Don't be afraid to go out on a limb. That's where the fruit is." ~ H. Jackson Browne 

I love this little quote. It's so clever and wise. You will always be rewarded for the risks you take in one way or another.

"To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived, this is to have succeeded." ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson 

This is probably one of my all-time favorite quotes. I used to measure my worth as a person on how successful or accomplished I was---in school, in work, in life in general. The fact that I live my life slow, suck at being an adult, and usually feel ten steps behind everyone else makes me feel like a complete failure sometimes. But then I think about all the people who have felt inspired by me and my work over the past couple of years. That, my friends, is success. Helping other people is what truly makes you successful.

"It's not who you are that holds you back, it's who you think you're not." ~ Unknown

This is a rather life-changing notion. I think we're all guilty of thinking limiting thoughts such as, "I can't do that. That's not who I am. That's not what I'm good at." The moment you tell yourself you can't do something, your reality will show you reasons to believe it. But kicking limiting beliefs to the curb and giving yourself a chance will cultivate results. Always.

"Let go or be dragged." ~ American Proverb

Self-explanatory. What is dragging you down? Whatever it is, let go of it. It really is that simple. I do it all the time.

Do you have a favorite quote?

<3 Madison

12 Things You Need to Stop Telling Yourself

Image source: flickr.com 

I have a tendency to talk down to myself sometimes. It usually happens after I am criticized, make a mistake, fail, compare myself to someone else, etc. Accessing self-love can be extremely difficult when everything we're seemingly doing wrong in our lives is at the forefront of our minds. We can easily turn into our own worst enemies. 

Practicing self-awareness and learning to stop negative thought patterns in their tracks has greatly increased my level of self-compassion.

Here are 12 things I try to avoid saying to myself:

1. "I'm not good enough to do that."

You are always good enough, and you can do anything you want. Give yourself a chance. And read this.

2. "No one understands me."

I used to carry this belief around like a newborn child. In my mind, everyone judged me. Everyone misunderstood me. No one made an effort to truly get to know me. I was so obsessed with what other people thought that I didn't pay any attention to or extend any compassion and understanding towards myself. Once I stopped assuming that all human beings were conspiring against me, I realized that a lot of human beings are actually very good, very understanding, very compassionate, and very much fighting internal battles of their own.

3. "This will never get any better."

This is one of the most debilitating limiting beliefs you can hold. Everything gets better with time, effort, or whatever else is required. Be patient and good to yourself.

4. "I hate my life."

I would like to note that this one pops into my head when something as trivial as having no Internet or finding a bug in the kitchen occurs. So you can only imagine how much I say this to myself in the face of circumstances much more traumatic than a lack of Internet or a cohabitating bug. Having a bad day, week or month doesn't mean you have a bad life. It's hard to remember, yet so worth remembering.

5. "I should _____."

Eliminate the word "should" from your verbal and mental vocabulary as often as possible.

6. "Maybe this person who said horrible things to/about me is right." 

One of my cousins said something really simple one time. She said, "Just because somebody says something doesn't mean it's true." And although I already knew that somewhere deep down inside of me, I couldn't help but think, "Wait, really?!? You mean I don't have to take it to heart when I'm verbally attacked or negatively criticized?? Wow, what a relief." Don't let what other people say define you or shape how you view yourself.  

7. "I'm so weird."

I actually am a bit weird. But if being true to myself and doing the things I want to do, even if it sets me apart from others makes me weird, then I think weird is good. I just need to change the word "weird" to the word "rare." And there is nothing wrong with being rare.

8. "I have to pretend to be something I'm not if I want to impress _____."

It's exhausting to constantly separate your true self from the self you think others want to see. Letting your guard down and surrounding yourself with people who love you just as you are is way more fun.

9. "I'm so stupid."

I always beat myself up when I make a mistake, give a wrong answer, can't compile my thoughts into coherent sentences, or don't know a lot about something I think I should know a lot about. I was watching a trivia segment on TV one time, and the guy asking the questions went around asking people how many stripes were on the American flag. "Fifty!" I shouted at the screen with utter and complete confidence. Nope. There are thirteen. I've found that it's better to acknowledge your humanity or laugh at yourself when you mess up. We're not stupid. We're just learning.

10. "I'm so weak."

I'm very fragile, sensitive and emotional. Sometimes I feel bad about myself when I'm not as resilient as someone else. But we all react to pain differently, and we all heal at our own pace. Nothing weak about that.

11. "My feelings are invalid."

No feeling is invalid. If you didn't have a reason to feel what you're feeling, you wouldn't be feeling it.

12. "I need to _____ because I'm _____ and so-and-so said I'm supposed to _____."

Maybe you think you need to accomplish something because of your age, your position in life, or the opinion of someone else. Other people and society in general will always have some sort of influence over the choices we make. Before making a decision, I always ask myself if I'm doing it for me or for someone else. I try my best to do what I do for the right reasons and not because I feel obligated to.

<3 Madison