Weddings generally tend to evoke a lot of emotion, especially from the bride and groom. It's natural to feel a wide range of emotions when preparing for any huge commitment. I can only imagine the kinds of feelings that swim through brides and grooms on the big day.
If your own wedding is coming up and you're having a hard time taming or making sense of any of the following emotions, maybe these tips and insights will help calm the waves.
Anxiety
I read a blog post the other day from a newlywed who claimed to have thrown up a few times upon waking up the day of her wedding. I also hear a lot about how some brides forget or even intentionally fail to eat meals on the day of their wedding because they're so nervous. Worries can pile on top of worries in your head and easily lead to intense anxiety.
- Talk to your future spouse to see if he or she is feeling the same way. Remind yourself that you're both in this together.
- Stay busy and distracted in the hours leading up to your wedding. Surround yourself with friends, celebrate your impending marriage, and have a good time! The trick is to get out of your own head. Your head will try to create problems that didn't exist in the first place.
- Call a married friend or relative for advice and support. Talking to someone who has been in your shoes will more than likely help you feel calmer and less alone.
- Pray. And if you're not a religious person, try surrendering your worries to the universe and trusting that your big day will be wonderful and jam-packed with love, joy and excitement.
Stress
Wedding planning and weddings in general can be stressful and nerve-wracking. It's very common to feel overwhelmed about everything and worry about what all could go wrong. It has even been said that planning a wedding is one of the most stressful feats a person can encounter.
- Don't procrastinate on anything. Plan ahead, and start checking things off your to-do list as soon as you've set a wedding date. The sooner you accomplish everything that needs to be accomplished, the sooner you can put those things out of your mind.
- Let people help you. Hire a wedding planner if necessary. Do your wedding planning research and accept support from family, friends and your fiance. A little extra help and support can go a long way.
- Stay within your budget, and be realistic about how much you can afford.
- Stay organized. Don't shy away from to-do lists, budget spreadsheets, organizers, etc.
Doubt
So you just got engaged or your wedding day is steadily approaching, and suddenly you have to wonder what the hell you're getting yourself into. Pet peeves and potential deal breakers from your future spouse start jumping out at you from every angle, your pessimistic friend is telling you about divorce statistics, and seeing that ring on your finger makes you want to throw up in your mouth a little bit.
- Write down a long list of reasons why you love your fiance and want to share the rest of your life with him or her. Push the nasty voice of doubt and negativity out of your mind long enough to bring your focus back to love and happiness. You're not delusional. You're just scared...And that's okay.
- Spend some quality time with your future spouse. For example, plan a mini-vacation and commit to not talking about the wedding while you're away. Give yourself some space from all the stress, pressure and Negative Nancys, and allow yourself to get drunk off of nothing but the love of your life for a few days.
- Challenge your doubts. Whenever a new doubt pops up in your mind, question it. Look at it from every angle. If you can find no logical reason behind the doubt, kick it to the curb.
- Write down your feelings, or talk about them with a friend, relative or counselor. Get them out in a way that feels right and therapeutic to you, whether verbally or artistically.
Emotional Bliss
I'm a very emotional person. I cry all the time---when I'm sad, when I'm angry, when I'm discouraged, when I'm happy, etc. If/when I ever get married, I will probably cry throughout the entire occasion. It's very common and almost inevitable for a bride and groom to shed overwhelmingly happy tears before, during or after their wedding ceremony---especially during surreal or loving moments such as the bride walking down the aisle, the reciting of wedding vows, or the first dance.
- Be in the moment, and give yourself permission to get emotional. If you suppress your unadulterated joy, you might regret it later because you will be focusing more on trying not to cry and less on truly being present in each beautiful moment with your future spouse. Getting emotional during your wedding is a normal and beautiful thing.
- Wear waterproof mascara.
- Have tissues or a handkerchief close at hand. Especially if you're like me and you cry profusely out of your nose instead of your eyes. Yuck.
- Smile through your tears to avoid ugly crying photos. Smiling with tears in your eyes makes your eyes sparkle.
- Wear waterproof mascara.
- Have tissues or a handkerchief close at hand. Especially if you're like me and you cry profusely out of your nose instead of your eyes. Yuck.
- Smile through your tears to avoid ugly crying photos. Smiling with tears in your eyes makes your eyes sparkle.
Melancholy
Getting married will evoke lots of joy, but it may also evoke feelings of sadness or melancholy. Marriage is a giant leap from your old life. You may feel worried about how it will affect your existing relationships or how it will change your life as a whole. Your parents might be emotional or say things like, "I can't believe my little girl (or boy) is getting married," which can make you feel emotional right along with them. And let's not forget about the post-wedding blues---that feeling of not quite knowing what to do with your life after your big day has finally come and gone.
- Spend plenty of quality time with your loved ones before your wedding day. Take mom out to dinner, plan a weekend getaway with your friends, spend a few nights with a close relative, etc. You can easily get caught up in planning a wedding and preparing to spend your life with your "main squeeze," so it's important to show all your other squeezes that you still want to spend time with them too. Making a point to do this might take the edge off the sadness of change and transition.
- Talk about your feelings with your spouse. He or she might be feeling the same way. Again, you're both in this together now.
- Shift your perspective. Instead of feeling sad after your wedding is over, try getting excited about the next chapter of your life with your new spouse. Your wedding is only the beginning of the wonderful memories the two of you will make together.
- Set new goals. Planning a wedding takes up a lot of time, energy and attention. After it's over, you may feel profoundly unproductive. But instead of looking over your shoulder, look ahead and focus on what you want to accomplish next in your life.
<3 Madison
Getting married will evoke lots of joy, but it may also evoke feelings of sadness or melancholy. Marriage is a giant leap from your old life. You may feel worried about how it will affect your existing relationships or how it will change your life as a whole. Your parents might be emotional or say things like, "I can't believe my little girl (or boy) is getting married," which can make you feel emotional right along with them. And let's not forget about the post-wedding blues---that feeling of not quite knowing what to do with your life after your big day has finally come and gone.
- Spend plenty of quality time with your loved ones before your wedding day. Take mom out to dinner, plan a weekend getaway with your friends, spend a few nights with a close relative, etc. You can easily get caught up in planning a wedding and preparing to spend your life with your "main squeeze," so it's important to show all your other squeezes that you still want to spend time with them too. Making a point to do this might take the edge off the sadness of change and transition.
- Talk about your feelings with your spouse. He or she might be feeling the same way. Again, you're both in this together now.
- Shift your perspective. Instead of feeling sad after your wedding is over, try getting excited about the next chapter of your life with your new spouse. Your wedding is only the beginning of the wonderful memories the two of you will make together.
- Set new goals. Planning a wedding takes up a lot of time, energy and attention. After it's over, you may feel profoundly unproductive. But instead of looking over your shoulder, look ahead and focus on what you want to accomplish next in your life.
<3 Madison
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