I already expressed how I felt about love "rules" in my post, Love Doesn't Come with a Rulebook. But there are certain specific nuggets of dating advice that I hear time and time again that make me want to punch whoever came up with the advice in the first place. For the longest time, I listened to and believed such advice and thought there was something wrong with me if I decided to ignore it---that it would be (like, OMG) a total turnoff if I didn't do everything the "right way."
I'm here to tell you that you have my permission and the permission of every other person who hates the following advice to break these commonly distributed dating rules:
1. Always let the guy make the first move, let the guys chase you, etc.
This advice is sexist and highly overrated. Who cares if a girl makes the first move? I cannot fathom what could possibly be wrong with that. I read something on a blog one time that said something like, "Guys are animals. You need to let them chase you. If a guy doesn't have the confidence or "balls" to make the first move, he doesn't deserve you." That is so demeaning. Guys can be just as nervous as girls. It doesn't mean they don't deserve you. And if you're attracted to a guy, how the hell is he supposed to know if you don't approach him? This piece of advice probably gets under my skin the most.
This advice is sexist and highly overrated. Who cares if a girl makes the first move? I cannot fathom what could possibly be wrong with that. I read something on a blog one time that said something like, "Guys are animals. You need to let them chase you. If a guy doesn't have the confidence or "balls" to make the first move, he doesn't deserve you." That is so demeaning. Guys can be just as nervous as girls. It doesn't mean they don't deserve you. And if you're attracted to a guy, how the hell is he supposed to know if you don't approach him? This piece of advice probably gets under my skin the most.
2. Being single by choice is abnormal.
According to popular culture, it is practically a crime to be single by choice. Being in a relationship or getting married isn't a universal requirement of all mankind. If you don't want to date or prefer being independent, and you're totally happy that way, no one has the right to tell you to "hook up with someone already." So many people get into relationships because they think they're supposed to be in one. You do not have to do anything you don't want to do. God will not reach down from the heavens and slap you in the face if you choose to stay single. I swear.
According to popular culture, it is practically a crime to be single by choice. Being in a relationship or getting married isn't a universal requirement of all mankind. If you don't want to date or prefer being independent, and you're totally happy that way, no one has the right to tell you to "hook up with someone already." So many people get into relationships because they think they're supposed to be in one. You do not have to do anything you don't want to do. God will not reach down from the heavens and slap you in the face if you choose to stay single. I swear.
3. If you date someone with a different background, (cultural, religious, etc.) your relationship is doomed to fail.
Wow. Whatever happened to acceptance and equality? Most people seem to think that dating people who have all the same things in common with you will prevent conflict later on down the road, but I have a news flash for those people. Every relationship faces conflict at some point, no matter how agreeable a couple is. Love is about accepting people as they are and meeting in the middle when conflict arises. Two people with different cultural or religious backgrounds can be happy by simply accepting and loving each other---differences and all.
Wow. Whatever happened to acceptance and equality? Most people seem to think that dating people who have all the same things in common with you will prevent conflict later on down the road, but I have a news flash for those people. Every relationship faces conflict at some point, no matter how agreeable a couple is. Love is about accepting people as they are and meeting in the middle when conflict arises. Two people with different cultural or religious backgrounds can be happy by simply accepting and loving each other---differences and all.
4. Play hard to get (or any other game for that matter).
I really hate dating advice that implies that you have to play games in order to win someone over. That doesn't work. And playing hard to get? That especially doesn't work. If you act like you're not interested in the person pursuing you, they will move on to someone who is. Love isn't a game. Either be with someone or don't.
I really hate dating advice that implies that you have to play games in order to win someone over. That doesn't work. And playing hard to get? That especially doesn't work. If you act like you're not interested in the person pursuing you, they will move on to someone who is. Love isn't a game. Either be with someone or don't.
5. Say yes to every first date.
I turned down this guy in high school once, and two of his friends called me horrible names, followed me around, and passed me harassing notes in English class for weeks---all because I didn't want to go out with their friend, whom I didn't even know. Plus, I wasn't even allowed to date at the time. But anyway, if the guy who wanted to go out with me was anything like his lovely friends or if he was the one who put them up to harassing me, I'm pretty glad I said no. If the thought of going out with someone makes you feel scared for your life or uncomfortable in any way, it's obviously okay to say no. Besides, would you rather go out with someone knowing full well that it will never work out, or would you rather just say no upfront and save both of you the potential drama and discomfort of the whole situation? I choose the latter.
What's the worst dating advice you've ever heard?
<3 Madison
I turned down this guy in high school once, and two of his friends called me horrible names, followed me around, and passed me harassing notes in English class for weeks---all because I didn't want to go out with their friend, whom I didn't even know. Plus, I wasn't even allowed to date at the time. But anyway, if the guy who wanted to go out with me was anything like his lovely friends or if he was the one who put them up to harassing me, I'm pretty glad I said no. If the thought of going out with someone makes you feel scared for your life or uncomfortable in any way, it's obviously okay to say no. Besides, would you rather go out with someone knowing full well that it will never work out, or would you rather just say no upfront and save both of you the potential drama and discomfort of the whole situation? I choose the latter.
What's the worst dating advice you've ever heard?
<3 Madison
No comments:
Post a Comment