I have a tendency to talk down to myself sometimes. It usually happens after I am criticized, make a mistake, fail, compare myself to someone else, etc. Accessing self-love can be extremely difficult when everything we're seemingly doing wrong in our lives is at the forefront of our minds. We can easily turn into our own worst enemies.
Practicing self-awareness and learning to stop negative thought patterns in their tracks has greatly increased my level of self-compassion.
Here are 12 things I try to avoid saying to myself:
1. "I'm not good enough to do that."
You are always good enough, and you can do anything you want. Give yourself a chance. And read this.
2. "No one understands me."
I used to carry this belief around like a newborn child. In my mind, everyone judged me. Everyone misunderstood me. No one made an effort to truly get to know me. I was so obsessed with what other people thought that I didn't pay any attention to or extend any compassion and understanding towards myself. Once I stopped assuming that all human beings were conspiring against me, I realized that a lot of human beings are actually very good, very understanding, very compassionate, and very much fighting internal battles of their own.
3. "This will never get any better."
This is one of the most debilitating limiting beliefs you can hold. Everything gets better with time, effort, or whatever else is required. Be patient and good to yourself.
4. "I hate my life."
I would like to note that this one pops into my head when something as trivial as having no Internet or finding a bug in the kitchen occurs. So you can only imagine how much I say this to myself in the face of circumstances much more traumatic than a lack of Internet or a cohabitating bug. Having a bad day, week or month doesn't mean you have a bad life. It's hard to remember, yet so worth remembering.
5. "I should _____."
Eliminate the word "should" from your verbal and mental vocabulary as often as possible.
6. "Maybe this person who said horrible things to/about me is right."
One of my cousins said something really simple one time. She said, "Just because somebody says something doesn't mean it's true." And although I already knew that somewhere deep down inside of me, I couldn't help but think, "Wait, really?!? You mean I don't have to take it to heart when I'm verbally attacked or negatively criticized?? Wow, what a relief." Don't let what other people say define you or shape how you view yourself.
7. "I'm so weird."
I actually am a bit weird. But if being true to myself and doing the things I want to do, even if it sets me apart from others makes me weird, then I think weird is good. I just need to change the word "weird" to the word "rare." And there is nothing wrong with being rare.
8. "I have to pretend to be something I'm not if I want to impress _____."
It's exhausting to constantly separate your true self from the self you think others want to see. Letting your guard down and surrounding yourself with people who love you just as you are is way more fun.
9. "I'm so stupid."
I always beat myself up when I make a mistake, give a wrong answer, can't compile my thoughts into coherent sentences, or don't know a lot about something I think I should know a lot about. I was watching a trivia segment on TV one time, and the guy asking the questions went around asking people how many stripes were on the American flag. "Fifty!" I shouted at the screen with utter and complete confidence. Nope. There are thirteen. I've found that it's better to acknowledge your humanity or laugh at yourself when you mess up. We're not stupid. We're just learning.
10. "I'm so weak."
I'm very fragile, sensitive and emotional. Sometimes I feel bad about myself when I'm not as resilient as someone else. But we all react to pain differently, and we all heal at our own pace. Nothing weak about that.
11. "My feelings are invalid."
No feeling is invalid. If you didn't have a reason to feel what you're feeling, you wouldn't be feeling it.
12. "I need to _____ because I'm _____ and so-and-so said I'm supposed to _____."
Maybe you think you need to accomplish something because of your age, your position in life, or the opinion of someone else. Other people and society in general will always have some sort of influence over the choices we make. Before making a decision, I always ask myself if I'm doing it for me or for someone else. I try my best to do what I do for the right reasons and not because I feel obligated to.
<3 Madison
1. "I'm not good enough to do that."
You are always good enough, and you can do anything you want. Give yourself a chance. And read this.
2. "No one understands me."
I used to carry this belief around like a newborn child. In my mind, everyone judged me. Everyone misunderstood me. No one made an effort to truly get to know me. I was so obsessed with what other people thought that I didn't pay any attention to or extend any compassion and understanding towards myself. Once I stopped assuming that all human beings were conspiring against me, I realized that a lot of human beings are actually very good, very understanding, very compassionate, and very much fighting internal battles of their own.
3. "This will never get any better."
This is one of the most debilitating limiting beliefs you can hold. Everything gets better with time, effort, or whatever else is required. Be patient and good to yourself.
4. "I hate my life."
I would like to note that this one pops into my head when something as trivial as having no Internet or finding a bug in the kitchen occurs. So you can only imagine how much I say this to myself in the face of circumstances much more traumatic than a lack of Internet or a cohabitating bug. Having a bad day, week or month doesn't mean you have a bad life. It's hard to remember, yet so worth remembering.
5. "I should _____."
Eliminate the word "should" from your verbal and mental vocabulary as often as possible.
6. "Maybe this person who said horrible things to/about me is right."
One of my cousins said something really simple one time. She said, "Just because somebody says something doesn't mean it's true." And although I already knew that somewhere deep down inside of me, I couldn't help but think, "Wait, really?!? You mean I don't have to take it to heart when I'm verbally attacked or negatively criticized?? Wow, what a relief." Don't let what other people say define you or shape how you view yourself.
7. "I'm so weird."
I actually am a bit weird. But if being true to myself and doing the things I want to do, even if it sets me apart from others makes me weird, then I think weird is good. I just need to change the word "weird" to the word "rare." And there is nothing wrong with being rare.
8. "I have to pretend to be something I'm not if I want to impress _____."
It's exhausting to constantly separate your true self from the self you think others want to see. Letting your guard down and surrounding yourself with people who love you just as you are is way more fun.
9. "I'm so stupid."
I always beat myself up when I make a mistake, give a wrong answer, can't compile my thoughts into coherent sentences, or don't know a lot about something I think I should know a lot about. I was watching a trivia segment on TV one time, and the guy asking the questions went around asking people how many stripes were on the American flag. "Fifty!" I shouted at the screen with utter and complete confidence. Nope. There are thirteen. I've found that it's better to acknowledge your humanity or laugh at yourself when you mess up. We're not stupid. We're just learning.
10. "I'm so weak."
I'm very fragile, sensitive and emotional. Sometimes I feel bad about myself when I'm not as resilient as someone else. But we all react to pain differently, and we all heal at our own pace. Nothing weak about that.
11. "My feelings are invalid."
No feeling is invalid. If you didn't have a reason to feel what you're feeling, you wouldn't be feeling it.
12. "I need to _____ because I'm _____ and so-and-so said I'm supposed to _____."
Maybe you think you need to accomplish something because of your age, your position in life, or the opinion of someone else. Other people and society in general will always have some sort of influence over the choices we make. Before making a decision, I always ask myself if I'm doing it for me or for someone else. I try my best to do what I do for the right reasons and not because I feel obligated to.
<3 Madison
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